Candy, Kids and Sleepy Smiles

Somehow the danger of taking candy from a stranger melts away on Halloween evening. I for one couldn't be happier about that. I had the opportunity to see over a hundred children tonight who came to our door asking for candy. I saw all kinds of costumes and excitement in the faces of the children and all kinds of parents smiling with pride at the cuteness of their kids. Halloween around here doesn't seem to be about scares or the macabre - it's more of a parade of cuteness and candy. No wonder I love this holiday.

With Nana and Papa in tow, Alicia and the kids (all five) went on their own parade of cuteness this evening. Ben was a bumble bee, Claire was a clown, Jason was Thomas the tank engine (he had a last minute change of plans from being a caterpillar to Thomas), Ethan was a skeleton, and Emily was Princess Peach from the Mario Bros. game. 

The evening was unseasonably warm for this time of year - about 50 degrees after the sun dipped out of sight. So the cold didn't affect the kids' fun and they all stayed out for nearly an hour. Ben enjoyed the comfort of his stroller and a few bags of M&Ms and Claire filled her little plastic pumpkin halfway with candy and was the recipient of many cuteness compliments. Then the two of them came home with Nana and Papa and helped me pass out candy for the remainder of the evening.

Meanwhile Alicia had the older kids out for another hour. At almost every house, Jace would say "Trick or Treat" with the others and then excitedly dash back to the sidewalk exclaiming, "Mom, I said it!" When it was all done, Ethan and Jace had filled their plastic pumpkins to the top. They dumped their candy out on the living room floor and compared their loot with each other.

After having a sensible amount of candy, the kids were readied for bed and tucked in with smiles on their faces. It's likely that many other kids in the neighborhood had similar sleepy smiles tonight. So who cares about this holiday's shady past, it's presently a wonderful night.

Searching for the Antidote to Zombie Discipleship

Alicia and I had a good talk about being more engaged at home. I have been going through the motions at home and it's caused some problems lately. Alicia has asked me how I can be so engaged at work and then come home and go into maintenance mode - tidying up the house and helping get things done but not really engaging to help my kids grow and become or lift and encourage my wife.

As we talked this over today, it was clear that we both get caught in similar traps - zombie discipleship. We're doing good things but we're not really engaged in it. We may go to Church, we may try to help people, we try to raise our kids well but sometimes - perhaps a lot of the times - we're going through the motions without the true fuel that it takes to really lift souls, build unity and prepare for eternity.

So how do we snap out of it? Something has to motivate our caring and love. Something has to clear our vision to enable us to have eternal perspective. Something has to give us principles that will help us be more unified. We left the conversation today looking for this and are hopeful that Heavenly Father will help us find it as we search and pray for it.

Kids or Cookies?

My job has a party coming up on Monday with a competition for costumes and treats so I wanted to make some sugar cookies for the food competition. I ended up taking most of the day today to do that with the kids.

But in taking most of my attention throughout the day, I was diverted from helping out more around the house and as the day drew to a close and I saw how many cookies were yet to be decorated and also saw how close it was to bedtime so I enlisted the kids to help (maybe forced is a better word) and then hurded them off to bed. The cookies were done and the kitchen was cleaned up but I was left with a disappointment because I was focused a bit too much on what I wanted to do and wasn't considering serving those around me. Luckily, I recognized my error in enough time to apologize to the kids before they fell asleep. I went into Em's room where Emily, Ethan and Jace were sleeping and brought them all the last-minute drink of water I denied them minutes earlier and then I went upstairs to Claire and gave her a hug.

Cornbelly's

The kids have been getting stickers on the fridge for doing nice things for each other and as a reward, we took them to a nearby fall amusement park called Cornbelly's. We got faces painted, played on wooden structures, saw pumpkin princesses, watched a pig race, rode on a cow train, and walked through a corn maze.

The sun set and the temperature dropped quickly so we had to leave but if that hadn't happened we might have stayed another few hours. The kids loved playing there. Ethan exclaimed as we left that it was the best day ever.

I love amusement parks. I want one. Maybe someday I'll get to make one.

Leadership Training Library Celebration

Alicia and I attended a dinner celebration this evening for a project we recently finished. It's a project in which many members of the team have participated called Leadership Training Library. Like any impactful work, it has taken great amounts of dedication and has been met with plenty of resistance. It has challenged relationships, required sacrifice and built faith and testimony of those who participated. This mix of positive and negative is not uncommon for projects of this magnitude. My work last year with LDS.org was similar and I had the same mix of positive and negative emotion about it at the similar celebration last year.

Tonight I was impressed with some comments made by one of the speakers. Elder Christensen, a ecclesiastical leader for the Church mentioned that this project was notable and should be instructive for further work for three reasons:

• It was visual - Many members in the Church cannot access materials and really understand them by reading. This product provides training in a visual format.
• It was authentic - This product captured real experiences of members who were called to lead. In many cases these members felt the inspiration of the Spirit while the camera was rolling. That lead to a real feeling in the product that could not be staged.
• It was transforming - This project required a greater level of commitment and because of that, it motivated its participants to be prayerful and trust in God for his help to accomplish difficult or impossible tasks. As a result of that, the team was transformed into a more faithful group. This is a mark of a good project in the Church.

I have been blessed to have an involvement and a close position of observation and learning in this project.

Simple Pleasures

It's so easy to lose sight of the value of spending simple time with the family. Tonight I wasn't in a particularly distracted or selfish mood, just conscious of time. I was quietly nudging the family along towards getting pumpkins and then preparing kids for bed and I almost missed the fact that we were spending time together at a pumpkin patch, the kids were exploring the corn stalks, we had a hay bail ride, the kids were discovering different kinds of plants, we were enjoying ice cream together and the kids were having a great time.

This didn't really occur to me until Ethan, who usually provides a luke-warm response when asked about his enjoyment level of family events, gushed excitedly about how awesome it was to go pick pumpkins together. What a great example of stopping to enjoy the simple pleasures of life.

Mountain Man

My view from the trunk

It's so nice to be close to the mountains. I'm not a rugged hiker or a manly hunter guy. I don't even consider myself to be a tree-hugging nature lover. But it's always refreshing to go on a drive to the mountains and step out of the car to breathe the crisp mountain air. This is especially true when you've travelled to the mountains in the trunk of a minivan as a result of constrained seating availability in the van. We drove up little cottonwood canyon this evening loaded with capri suns, sandwiches and chips then ate it amongst huge granite boulders and a setting sun at the mouth of canyon.

I remember missing the mountains when I went away to Texas for two years. I imagine that if we ever leave, I'll miss these beautiful piles or rocks that I visit every four months or so. Maybe someday we'll build a cabin in the mountains and then I can become one with nature.

Fatal Stubbornness

I saw a billboard the other day that read, "100,000 men die every year from stubbornness." I thought of my grandfather who died one morning at home keeled over in pain from stomach cancer, reportedly without seeking proper treatment. I thought of my Dad who tends to keep his own woes silent. And I thought of myself and how I've had a nasty cold the last few days and have tried desperately to work through it. Yesterday I was sensible enough to know that I wasn't up to working but not sensible enough to rest. Instead I just worked on my laptop from my bed all day. Then today, I came into work thinking I could get through it but ended up leaving early as I thought about the bad example I was setting for the team and the fact that I needed proper rest.

So hopefully, I'll turn the tide of this stubbornness and live a little longer.

Chaos at Dinner

Seems like dinner time is melt down time lately. The kids get louder at that hour. Ben cries cause he's hungry. Claire loses interest in eating and is usually the first to leave the table. The kids choose to not eat the food they are given. And we have ended up disciplining the kids during dinner through time out while we're eating.

Alicia and I don't know what's going on. But it's very frustrating. It could be that the kids need correction or it could be that our expectations of a Norman Rockwell dinner experience of smiles and civilized passing of food is unrealistic with 5 kids under the age of 10.

Something's gotta give though. We can't keep doing this.

Nana and Papa Arrive

For the first time in three years Alicia's parents are with us for a visit. They flew in tonight and arrived to a welcome sign made by the kids and a van that was filled to capacity with passengers (I stayed home because there were not enough seats for all of us). The kids are very excited to have them here and I look forward to the building of stronger relationships during this time. With Mom's passing and Dad's stroke, grandparents on my side are a little limited in presence (although the kids see Grandpa about every other week) so it will be good to give them a strong grandparent relationship. And Alicia often longs for more time with her parents. As we got Nana and Papa set up for bed in the basement I saw Alicia and her Mother say goodnight and hug and I could tell that it was long overdue - perhaps for both of them.

This will be a good visit.

Alicia's Birthday

So close!

I have never been able to surprise Alicia in our whole marriage. Birthdays, anniversaries, whatever, she always picks up on my plans. Today my surprise was staying home from work when Alicia thought I was gone. The plan was to get picked up for the bus just like usual then walk back home, sneak in the house and wait somewhere hidden until Alicia left to take Emily and Ethan to school. Then I would decorate the house and surprise Alicia with her present.

Everything went according to plan except for one thing: I sneezed. I was in the storage room downstairs sitting on a stool in the dark and a sneeze came on. I desperately tried to stop or at least muffle it but there was no stopping it. It wasn't a notably loud sneeze but Alicia happened to be down in the basement at the time and she told me later that she heard me and knew that something was going on.

Dang it!

But she played along anyway. When she arrived home from dropping the kids off I had party decorations up and a gift on the living room end table. When she stepped towards it to read the gift note, I slipped out of Claire's room with spray confetti in hand and surprised her (a little).

My gift to her was a day of shopping. She was given money to go get a new outfit (something she desperately wants). So we went out all together to shop for groceries, then we had a birthday lunch at Texas Roadhouse. And finally this afternoon, Alicia got herself a new outfit complete with accessories.

To wrap the day up we had a birthday angel food cake then a movie night with the kids and two of Alicia's favorite candies (Yorks, and Milk Duds). Alicia told me later that this was her best birthday so far.

If the surprise wouldn't have been thwarted, I bet you it would have been even better.

Serving My Parents

Lately I've been thinking more about the people in my life. I think about how I could serve each of them in my immediate and extended family. I think about how I can serve those in my team at work and some in my neighborhood. As I have done this, I've had more opportunity to think about serving my Dad and my Mom. And then I stop and remember that Mom is gone and I can no longer serve her directly. There's an odd emptiness there that I haven't felt in the time that she's been gone. I miss visiting her, holding her hand as we walked down the care center hallway, seeing her smile when she saw me or my kids, her.

But I did have the privilege of serving Dad tonight - which was just as great. I visited with him for a while this evening and saw the progress he's making. I noticed that he has a handle above his bed which allows him to lift himself to a sitting position on the side of the bed. His balance is also improving. And he showed me tonight that there is very slight movement at his left elbow. This is so exciting! I understand that re-training the brain takes a long time so these small steps forward are very significant.

Brianna's Wedding

Brianna at a birthday celebration a few months ago.

The whole family attended a wedding reception tonight for Brianna Curry - our former niece (a daughter of my brother Dave's ex wife). Brianna has had a bit of a falling out with her immediate family so all of my siblings and families got together to show support for her.

We were certainly happy too. There was lots of fattening food there and some dancing which we all got into. Mark danced to Michael Jackson, I had a slow dance with Emily and Claire, and even Ethan got out on the floor and danced around a bit. We all had a good time.  I hope that Brianna felt our support and that she and her new husband are happy together.

It was a bit odd to not see my Dad there. He would be roaming around snapping pictures of Bri, her husband, and all the rest of the family. And he would have been paparazzi when we were dancing. 

Cow-date

I've never been much for the cowboy way of life. Growing up I found opportunity to make fun of it and as a direct result, God directed my path to a mission for the LDS Church in Texas. There I spent two years learning to appreciate the peacefulness and even charm of simple living. But after that, I came back home and picked right back up where I left off in looking at cow-anything (except hamburger) with a sideways glance.

So when Emily shared with me an invitation to a Daddy-daughter cowboy event at the Church, I was a little apprehensive. But this wasn't just a social engagement I could find some excuse to skip - this was a date with my daughter that she was really looking forward to. The risk of disappointing Em was even strong enough to motivate me to attend when I heard that there would be line dancing associated with this. And THEN Alicia bought both Em and I a costume cowboy hat too (I think she was just rubbing it in).

So we went. I tried as best I could to forget how uncomfortable I was and just try to enjoy it through Em. That wasn't hard to do. She and I got our picture taken on some hay bales outside the building and I saw how happy she was. Then in the talent museum, she proudly displayed one of her drawings to me. At dinner she giggled and laughed as she joked with her friends sitting nearby. And then finally, at the dancing part she happily participated in learning the steps until she was good enough to where I was watching her steps for guidance instead of the instructor.

Before we knew it, we were both having a great time. We came home and I think Alicia was a little shocked to hear that I enjoyed the evening - and that dancing with Emily was my favorite part. It was a great experience that I hope we both remember.

Replacing Santa Claus

Last year Emily asked if Santa were real. This signaled to Alicia and I the coming of the end of the myth for her. In the conversation at the time, I asked her what she believed and then encouraged her generally to believe in things that are good. It's a sort of optimism that I believe is healthy. The next step of that is to believe and hope for things that are not only good but true. If a childhood belief of a benevolent giver of good gifts can lead to a maturing faith in He who is the source of all hope in this life then it's a good thing.

So today Alicia and I told her the truth about Santa and hopefully pointed her in the right direction for where she can put her hope in the future. It's sort of a rite of passage that she's gone through. She's growing up

Serving Fathers

Through the day I kept thinking about Dad and how he would enjoy being able to see the Priesthood Session of the LDS General Conference tonight. I pushed the thought away several times thinking that we didn't have enough gas for me to take a trip to Orem. Finally, I went to attend the broadcast of the meeting at my own Church building and again I felt strongly that I needed to go see him and include him. So I stood up and left the meeting and drove to Orem. I called Susan and found out that members of his ward had taken him to his local Church building so I rushed to that building and arrived in time to catch the final talk of the meeting, given by President Monson.

When the meeting was over I looked for him but couldn't find him. So I drove to the rehabilitation center and found his bed empty. I imagined that he was still with those who took him to the meeting so I left him a note on his bed explaining my desire to be with him at the meeting and expressing my love.

I didn't see Dad but it felt good to do what I did anyway. On the drive down I was thinking about a verse from the New Testament, "... Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." (Matt. 25:40) I wanted to serve Dad and I believe that I did that but I kept thinking about how Heavenly Father loves his children so much that he considers service to them as service to Him. So really, I was serving both my Father and my Heavenly Father.

This adds new dimension to service and love.