Emily's Birthday and Christensen Christmas Party

Just like last year, we had our Christmas celebration with my extended family after Christmas. And, just like last year, we had it on the 26th. Much of what I said about last year, I still agree with and it shows all signs of becoming a tradition.

Our double-digit (10) birthday girl was playing with cousins most of the time we were there. In fact, most of the kids were like that. We didn't see Ethan and Jace much after we got there. Ben, however, we saw all the time. He hardly left his mother's side. And speaking of his mother, I think she has the flu. She laid on the couch feeling gross all morning and we were all but out the door when she stood up and with tears said that she wouldn't miss Emily's birthday party. So although, she wasn't feeling well and wasn't very lively, it was awesome that she was there.

We sang a few songs like we've done in the past but this
Ben played a few extra notes.

And speaking of the party, we had soups and breads and some birthday cake that was one third frosting and two thirds cake. We sang happy birthday and Emily got a gift card from her grandparents. Kind of textbook for kid birthdays. She loved it.

At the end of the party, we came home to a very, very messy house and crashed. As the night wore on, it was clear that Alicia was getting sicker and I began to feel something queasy as well. I was planning on going back to work tomorrow but now I'm starting to wonder.

Thanksgiving

 Dad was able to transport from the assisted living place to Jen's house for Thanksgiving. We transported him from Susan's car, into his wheelchair and then down the grassy slope on the side of Jen's house and into the back entrance. He sat at a table in the family room and became the center of attention during the meal. That alone is worth some thanks.

We were also able to have everyone there. With the exception of Jennifer and Richie and their kids (they never come anymore) all family was there. All 17 grandkids and a few extras including Brianna and Brent. That's becoming more and more rare with all these kids growing up, having busy jobs and even getting married in some cases.

The food was yummy. Sometimes I think Thanksgiving is more about eating than thanking. Celebrating Christ's birth is too sacred in Christian hearts to get glossed over by its more secular veneer of gifts but it seems that the luminescence of thankfulness isn't bright enough to overcome it's more temporal outer layers. I wonder what Thanksgiving would be without food and family gatherings. Probably just a few words on a calendar space that people small talk about at work.

But the thankful highlights of the day were present. Dad gave the thanksgiving prayer and blessing on the food. It was great to hear him express gratitude with similar sentiment as he has in the past. His mind is still functioning at very near the capacity he had in the past. It was also notable how much of his prayer was focused on gratitude even though he's been through this stroke and difficult moments.

Keeping with tradition, we left directly from dinner and took the family to a hotel. Despite our learning that two bedroom hotel rooms are much better for our family, budget constraints wedged us into a smaller room. But at least tonight it wasn't so bad. The trick seems to be to spend as little time as possible in the hotel room. We did that tonight by going swimming within the hour of arrival and then settling down quickly for sleep.

Christmas Lights Are My Business!

I've realized that my purpose in life is to serve people. That's what God wants of me and when I'm doing that well, I'm truly happy. I remember good days on my mission when I had that perspective and it was amazing. I felt so energized. Recently I've been reflecting on the most valuable thing to do while I'm in this life. And it has a lot to do with relationships and helping people. "Mankind was my business!" from the Christmas Carol has been ringing in my ears all week.

So today I was thankful for the opportunity to help Susan with some Christmas lights and various other things around her house. I was double-thankful for Emily's willingness to come and serve also. She took lights out of packages and I put them up. I'm anxious to see how our work for Susan looks at night.

Renewed Faith

Most weeks when we visit Dad in his care facility, the whole family comes. But today I was there alone. This provided an opportunity for me to sit down with Dad and talk in a more focused way. We talked the small stuff and then I talked to him about how I was concerned with how he was doing. According to Susan, he's been a bit depressed lately - even to the point of planning out his funeral.

In the middle of this conversation, a few men in suits showed up. They introduced themselves as a former Church leader (Bishop), a neighbor, and a current Church leader (Stake President). Dad was very happy to see them. The neighbor was very encouraging to Dad. He talked about his daughter who suffered an aneurism in her brain three years ago and lost her motor skills. Since that time, she' has recovered nearly 85% - enough that she is able to attend college in another state independently. He urged Dad to be patient and hopeful.

Then the Stake President spoke up saying the he understood that Dad wanted a blessing. Dad verified this and we wheeled his chair from the patio to his room where these three men and I stood around Dad with hands on his head to offer the blessing. The Stake President gave the blessing. He said Dad can find meaning for this challenge by looking at it through an eternal perspective. He acknowledged that Dad has had a lifetime of serving and now he is presented with the opportunity to accept service from others. And finally he promised Dad healing as he (and others around him) exercise faith in Jesus Christ.

I was impressed by the service that was offered and the uplifting, hopeful and faith inspiring messages that were shared. The men left after a few more minutes of talking and then Dad and I spoke a bit more. I remembered a scripture I read a few weeks earlier and shared it with him.

"Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name’s glory, saith the Lord." - D&C 98:3

So I asked him what good he's seen. He responded that he's learned more about the power of prayer. He cited how this has helped Susan to grow and learn. And he said that he's received confirmation about the love of his family.

Seems like whatever the experience, good or bad, there is always some healing or teaching purpose in it. That's the way I felt about Mom. The trick is have faith that it's there and then simply to find it.

My faith in Dad's recovery is renewed from my last post about it. And even if he doesn't get back to the goal he mentioned tonight of being able to walk back into Church, there's healing and learning in this - I'm sure of it. 

One Step Forward and Two Back

Dad fell again yesterday. It was the same as the time before where he was left in the bathroom unattended. In previous falls, he has injured his hip - so much so that it's fractured and causes him pain. Now he's hurting in his chest from this fall. The staff there usually takes him out of his room for meals and activities but these injuries have confined him to his bed all day today. That kind of immobility is concerning because (1) it's just not Dad and (2) immobility is what could slow his body down to the point of having other health complications that could ultimately take his life.

We visited Dad tonight just as Susan and Joan were there also. Dad had just choked on a piece of food and Susan was in a panic. Susan pleaded with Dad to cough so that the food could be dislodged and Dad resisted saying that he was fine and that it hurt to cough. The staff helped him clear the food as best they could and then left when they were confident that he was okay. But Susan insisted that he needed to cough more and when he didn't, she left the room in tears.

Alicia was able to catch Susan on her way out of the building to comfort her. Alicia hugged her as Susan expressed her fear of Dad health declining even further - ultimately to death. Through this all, Dad is keeping his optimism (for the most part) that he'll improve but in Susan's view, he keeps taking one step forward and two backwards.

Letting Go of the Old Dad

The family gathered today at Dad's place to have a little pot-luck (Which didn't turn out to be very lucky. We had lots of chips, water bottles, two kinds of cake, a salad and some cole slaw). It was the first family gathering since Dad's stroke. Dad was able to join us for about an hour of that and then he tired and needed to go back to his room.

Things have changed with Dad. I suppose that goes without saying when you're dealing with the aftermath of a serious stroke but I think I've been a bit delusional on what life will be like from here. Dad's been so strong that it's been easy to believe that he'll bounce right back. And indeed, he has done very well. His speech is excellent, his ability to understand and converse is good. His memory is intact as far as I can tell.

But there are indications that he is not progressing as we would have hoped. He still requires two full assistants to get out of bed. He gets tired very quickly. He isn't able to focus on visual things like pictures, puzzles, and computers - things he loved to do before the stroke. Today Susan brought his camera to him and after an extended period of trying, he was not able to figure out how to get it to work. And although his conversation is good, he doesn't have the same level of engagement that he used to. He's different.

I don't want to lose hope in him but at the same time, I want to live well with what he has. If I'm always focused on things he doesn't have, I fear I may lose focus on the good that's still there. So I'm wondering if I need to come to the acceptance that Dad may never be able to stand again, that he'll be in some sort of assisted living for the rest of his life, and that he needs to explore new hobbies that don't involve visual stimulus.

It's just hard to let the old Dad go.

Dad's Stroke

I know this is morbid to take this kind of a picture but this
experience means something to me and this helps me
remember it.

As I was headed out to lock the Church this evening, Alicia opened the garage door and with the phone to her ear motioned for me to stay. She informed me that Jen had left a message and Dad had a stroke earlier this afternoon. We called her immediately and found out that he suffered a stroke around 3 pm this afternoon. He was in the bathroom at the time behind a closed and locked door and he was not found until 6 pm so by that time, the stroke had caused severe damage.

I quickly locked the church and then drove down to emergency room in Provo. There I found Jen and Susan a bit shaken up. I hugged them both and then went to Dad's bedside and grabbed his hand. He was laying down with a furrowed brow, closed eyes, and lots of wires hooked up to his body. I said hello to him and returned the greeting and then asked, "How is Alicia doing in recovering from her surgery."

I was floored. He was in the emergency room, paralyzed on his left side, in pain from having about 30% of his total brain tissues been damaged from the stroke and he asked very first thing how Alicia was doing. I laughed as I held his good hand and said that she's doing fine and thanked him for asking.

He was later transferred from the emergency room to adult intensive care. I had the privelige of staying at his side as Susan and Jen went home to get some rest before coming back for another shift to watch over him tomorrow.

About this time last year Mom had medical needs and we organized a 24 hour watch over her. That was a dramatic and sad time but it was also a precious time that I got to spend with her. Dad now has similar great medical needs and the family is organizing a watch over him in just the same way. It's feeling like we're getting to be professional at this but I don't begrudge it. I don't usually get to spend a lot of time around Dad but tonight I'll be able to be by his side for half the night.

Finally Enjoying Parades

I don't know if this is just a Utah thing but nearly every town around here has some kind of summertime weekend celebration. Frequently, they'll attach "Days" on the end of some term that has some significance to the town and they'll have a baby contest, beauty pagent, parade, and even a rodeo if the cowboy per capita warrants it. Thus, we get "Strawberry Days", "Iron Days", "Pony Express Days", and even "Onion days." Tonight, we attended one of these celebrations in Orem and watched an evening parade with Dad, Susan, Dave, Jen and family, Jennifer and family, and Julie and family.

I've never been much of a parade guy. I remember my Mom dragging the kids out for as many parades as she could take us to. Most of the time, when I think about parades, I think about boredom, tired feet from walking blocks and blocks to parade routes, and blistering heat from watching float after float in July head for four hours (Not an exaggeration. The Provo summertime parade is 4 hours.) but I very much enjoyed this tonight (aside from my lower back hurting after standing with Ben in arms or on my shoulders for the whole time). Most of the enjoyment came from watching my kids enjoy the parade. About every second float threw candy out at the crowds and my kids loaded up on the sweet stuff. Each of them had something they really enjoyed this evening. Ben is getting into a smiley stage so he enjoyed seeing the faces of the family giving him the attention he's always so thirsty for at home. Claire saw some Disney princesses (actors from a local theater group) and loved that. She also loved seeing all the beauty queens from the various towns. Jace said his favorite part was the police cars and fire trucks. Ethan and Emily loved it when Uncle Dave gave them rides on his motorcycle in the Church parking lot.

It was a great way to spend a summer evening.

The Best Graduation Ceremony

I'm not much of a fan of the typical graduation ceremony. When there are hundreds of graduates - each with a need for a moment of spotlight, the event seems to seep from the moment into the expanses of space and time. Think spinning clocks and hour glasses spinning into a very slow vortex.

So, Alicia came up with something much, much better for my graduation with my MBA. We invited the family over for a dinner at the house, she laid out a red carpet our of house blankets and prepared a black garbage bag as my gown and a cardboard cutout painted black for my cap (with a yarn tassle) and I walked to the music of pomp and circumstance through my kitchen and then accepted my diploma from my five-year-old boy who read it to me (with help from his mother) before handing it over. Then we ate food and one of the most glorious cakes I've ever eaten.

Absolutely perfect.

Impromptu Party

Today we had a little impromptu party for Claire's birthday. Dad and Susan had scheduled to come over to give Claire a present and Tam and Mark also were able to come over to return our car to us. Tam and Mark recently got a tax return so they also came over with Christmas part 2 for our kids. They brought each of our kids some presents, which of course, they were thrilled with.

Turned out to be a great party with food (pancakes for dinner), toys, and lots of conversation.

Christmas Day

With the kids in our room last night, Alicia and I got limited sleep. We discovered that Jace talks in his sleep and that our kids toss and turn quite a bit. They got up around 6 and then watched a movie on my work laptop until Claire woke up too.

The opening of Christmas presents today was quite nice. We opened a few then let the kids play a bit then open a few more. By the time we were done, the basement was covered in stockings, wrapping paper, toys, candy, and macositic packaging devices designed to pinch, cut and frustrate the hands that try to retrieve the items they house.

Emily got the roller skates and Zhu Zhu Pets she asked Santa for. Ethan got his claw toy from Santa and some legos but not the Nintendo DS he asked of Santa. He was vocally disappointed and it was the first time Alicia and I have been confronted with Christmas morning ingratitude. We both talked to him about it afterwards. Jace was all about trains. He got a Thomas blanket, and a train playset which he was elated with. Claire got some dress-up shoes and a few dolls. She too enjoyed her gifts. It was the funnest to watch her open gifts because she was always so excited to open them and so happy with what was inside - even if it was pajamas. And then there was Ben. He got some clothes and a few toys but all he really cared about was sleep and formula.

Alicia gave me a new dress coat for me to wear to work. I've been wanting one of these for a very long time so this was a very nice gift. She also was thoughtful enough to request a copy of my Mom's patriarchal blessing and had that with an angel ornament on my tree. Additionally, she made a recipe book of my Mom's recipes. A very thoughtful Christmas from her.

This afternoon we went to Dad and Susan's and did a bit more playing and gifting there too. This year Susan seemed really rushed to get us out the door. But despite that, we had a nice time there and the kids loved their gifts.