Brianna's Wedding

Brianna at a birthday celebration a few months ago.

The whole family attended a wedding reception tonight for Brianna Curry - our former niece (a daughter of my brother Dave's ex wife). Brianna has had a bit of a falling out with her immediate family so all of my siblings and families got together to show support for her.

We were certainly happy too. There was lots of fattening food there and some dancing which we all got into. Mark danced to Michael Jackson, I had a slow dance with Emily and Claire, and even Ethan got out on the floor and danced around a bit. We all had a good time.  I hope that Brianna felt our support and that she and her new husband are happy together.

It was a bit odd to not see my Dad there. He would be roaming around snapping pictures of Bri, her husband, and all the rest of the family. And he would have been paparazzi when we were dancing. 

Finally Enjoying Parades

I don't know if this is just a Utah thing but nearly every town around here has some kind of summertime weekend celebration. Frequently, they'll attach "Days" on the end of some term that has some significance to the town and they'll have a baby contest, beauty pagent, parade, and even a rodeo if the cowboy per capita warrants it. Thus, we get "Strawberry Days", "Iron Days", "Pony Express Days", and even "Onion days." Tonight, we attended one of these celebrations in Orem and watched an evening parade with Dad, Susan, Dave, Jen and family, Jennifer and family, and Julie and family.

I've never been much of a parade guy. I remember my Mom dragging the kids out for as many parades as she could take us to. Most of the time, when I think about parades, I think about boredom, tired feet from walking blocks and blocks to parade routes, and blistering heat from watching float after float in July head for four hours (Not an exaggeration. The Provo summertime parade is 4 hours.) but I very much enjoyed this tonight (aside from my lower back hurting after standing with Ben in arms or on my shoulders for the whole time). Most of the enjoyment came from watching my kids enjoy the parade. About every second float threw candy out at the crowds and my kids loaded up on the sweet stuff. Each of them had something they really enjoyed this evening. Ben is getting into a smiley stage so he enjoyed seeing the faces of the family giving him the attention he's always so thirsty for at home. Claire saw some Disney princesses (actors from a local theater group) and loved that. She also loved seeing all the beauty queens from the various towns. Jace said his favorite part was the police cars and fire trucks. Ethan and Emily loved it when Uncle Dave gave them rides on his motorcycle in the Church parking lot.

It was a great way to spend a summer evening.

Old Man Christensen

Our (mostly) happy family at Dad's Birthday party

My Dad turned 75 today. Yep, 75. I looked on as a picture was taken of he, Jen and Dave (partners in the birthday celebration we were having) and Dad is still full of life but he's 75 and you can see that - especially when you contrast it to the faces of Dave (no spring chicken himself at 46) and Jen (39 I think). I sort of think of my father at an eternal 40. The pictures of him at this stage of his life are the ones I remember the most. At this time, he had dark hair, overly bushy eyebrows, a bit of a belly and a tendency to be captured in pictures where he was playing with the kids. His hair is now much whiter, he's lost most of that belly and he still is often pictured with kids - just his grandkids now.

Dad mentioned today that he plans to live to 100. In fact, he said that if he doesn't life to be 100, it'll kill him. What a cool Dad. I love that he loves life but he's also not afraid of death. I can see Dad dying happy - which is a great statement on the quality of life he's led. Awesome man.

The Best Graduation Ceremony

I'm not much of a fan of the typical graduation ceremony. When there are hundreds of graduates - each with a need for a moment of spotlight, the event seems to seep from the moment into the expanses of space and time. Think spinning clocks and hour glasses spinning into a very slow vortex.

So, Alicia came up with something much, much better for my graduation with my MBA. We invited the family over for a dinner at the house, she laid out a red carpet our of house blankets and prepared a black garbage bag as my gown and a cardboard cutout painted black for my cap (with a yarn tassle) and I walked to the music of pomp and circumstance through my kitchen and then accepted my diploma from my five-year-old boy who read it to me (with help from his mother) before handing it over. Then we ate food and one of the most glorious cakes I've ever eaten.

Absolutely perfect.

Looking for Villians

I just read a scripture in the New Testament about loving your enemies and I thought about the times in my life when villains have emerged. I remembered that kid in elementary school and junior high who seemed to relish the opportunity to make fun of me every time he saw me. I thought about how in the last year of Mom's life, rifts emerged between me and my brother. And right now at work I'm faced with an employee who is reeling from my having not selected him for a promotion and enmity is emerging. But really none of these are villains. In each of those cases, my reaction to avoid the unpleasant situation cased silence which allowed the perceived villainy to fester. But in the end, an open conversation and a healthy dose of humble pie usually remove the perception. This was the case with my brother. I found my error in the situation and apologized and now things are so much better. It's also the case with the guy at work. He's not the right guy for the position right now but I believe he has the potential to be so I offered my support and dedication to work with him towards that end.

So, I feel very lucky that I haven't yet encountered my villains. I'm sure they're out there and I don't look forward to the day that I find one. But all I've seen so far are people that have good hearts. Sometimes junk gets in the way of seeing those good hearts but it's comforting to me to look back on the cast of people that I've had interaction with and not see a dark, mustache-twiling, sinister figure among them.

Mom's Birthday Dinner

One of my favorite pictures of Mom from the 80s.

Mom's birthday is this Thursday. She's been gone for 9 months now and my sister Julie had a great idea of celebrating her birthday in her honor at her favorite restaurant - Brick Oven Pizza in Provo. Now that I think about it, I suppose it's kind of an odd thing to celebrate a birthday for someone who has died but that thought was far from my mind as we were eating together as a family. Instead we were thinking and talking about each other's lives: Jen's absolute passion about being a science teacher (she was wearing a button on her bag that said "I'm a science teacher. What's your superpower?" and her admitting tonight that she makes up songs with science terms as lyrics to help her students learn.), Julie's pending divorce and the proposed terms of the legal contract, Tam's adventures of coming to my work at the alcohol averse Church inadvertently wearing an alcoholic beverage t-shirt she got from her work, Dave's crazy graveyard working schedule and my finishing of the MBA.

In fact, we didn't even talk about Mom until the very end of the meal. With a good amount of laugher, some expressions of condolences for Tam's job situation and Julie's divorce situation, and healthy doses of Hawaiian pizza (Mom's favorite as long as it doesn't have almonds on it) behind us, we raised our mugs over our circular table and toasted Mom.

I've heard that the test of a good leader is the quality of individuals left behind to continue on in the leader's absence. The family is in good shape. We've been though a lot and probably have much yet to endure but if Mom was aware of tonight's birthday celebration, I imagine that she was proud of her kids and hope that she felt honored.

Mom's Funeral

Tam slept over last night in preparation for the funeral this morning and in the business of the morning, I noticed that she was off on her own and silent. I went over to her and hugged her.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for today,” she said. I knew how she felt.

At the Church this morning Dave and I were there when the casket arrived. We wheeled her into the Relief Society room and opened the casket. After a quick glance, Dave said these viewings are morbid and left the room as quickly as he could. Mom looks so much better than she did a week ago. They filled in her previously sunken cheeks and face. Her hair was all done up the way she always liked it and she looked peaceful.

Julie offered a prayer then we all said final goodbyes before the casket was closed. This was a tearful point for all of us. But the day wasn’t over yet.

At the funeral service itself Dave provided a life sketch, Tam a tribute, Julie a Poem, me a video of her life and Jen a talk. A few thoughts struck me during the services:

• Dave mentioned that Mom had been gone for so long that he doesn’t believe Julie and I really knew the real Mom. Before when he’s said this, I think I’ve dismissed it. But I think he’s right. This was emphasized later in the tribute Tam offered. Tam talked about a whole bunch of Mom stuff I never saw.
• Jen gave a great talk in which she made the point of illustrating through Mom’s life the danger of judging too quickly and finding the good in people. What a wonderful point! I later put some thought to this and realized that over the past week, I’ve been seeing new parts of my Mom - good things like her faith and love.

I broke down during my video. (I wish I could post it but I used a copyrighted song and can’t post it to YouTube. I have it in my collection at home if anyone wants to see it.) Several people complimented me on the video.

The pallbearers (Dave, me, Mark, Alex, Richard and Steve) put Mom into the hurse and the company then travelled down to the Provo cemetery for the internment. There I said a few comments and then dedicated the grave. A few thoughts here as well:

• It has been difficult to find meaning and purpose in Mom’s captivity to illness, fear and and pain. But over the last few weeks I’ve realized that all effects of the fall can help lead us to faith in Christ. If all that Mom’s gone through leads her or any of the rest of us to faith in Christ then it’s worth it.
• Christ is the true source of healing, hope, freedom and peace. He provides not only the hope of resurrection but also the hope of meaningful life
• Mom’s grave will be a holy place of peace, healing and hope.

The local ward provided a lunch for the guests of the funeral. This turned out to be quite the celebration. Mom’s memorabilia was spread over the front of the stage and families gathered to laugh and talk and comfort and love each other. I was actually surprised at how good I felt when it was all done. I half expected to be an emotional wreck but I wasn’t. None of us were.

The family was told at several points that the funeral was perfect for Mom. I was certainly glad to hear that and judging by the way all of us kids were interacting with each other and feeling by the end of it, I think I agree.

Perhaps Mom thought so too.

Mom's Passing

Early this morning I got up to feed Ben his 2:00 am bottle and texted my sisters to see how things were going with Mom. I found out that her breathing was more labored so I stayed on standby for another few hours when Tam sent another text stating that the aid found that the pulse was unperceivable, her breathing light and her color pale. I left home and arrived at Bel Aire Assisted Living around 4:00 am.

I found Mom just as described and I held her hand, touched her cheek and hair a few times while talking a bit with Tam, Mark and Julie – who had all stayed up all night long. We looked through a few more photo albums together, listened to a bit of music and then there came a point where Mom’s breathing slowed and the feeling in the room changed. Julie had just laid down to rest in a room across the hall so Mark got her. Tam sat by the bedside and held Mom’s hand, Julie sat close by while Mark and I stood, looking on.

As Tam spoke encouragement to Mom to move on, find her Mother and not worry about us, Mom’s breathing slowed. A breath… three seconds of silence. “Thank you, Mom,” I said. Another breath… five seconds of silence. Mom blinked eyes that had remained absolutely motionless in a half-open stare for the last several hours. Another breath. Then silence. We froze in our places waiting to hear another sound from Mom and when none came, it was clear that she had gone. Color left her sunken cheeks and she became completely still.

Each of us were crying in the stillness of the room. Feeling a need to pray privately (not to mention sob), I rushed out of the home and into the night. It was 5:10 am. The stars were out and the dawning sun was just starting to outline the shadowed mountains in a deep blue and purple. No cars or people were around and the night was still. I opened my heart up to Heavenly Father in prayer as I looked up to the stars.

I thanked Father for her and expressed my faith that she would be happier now. I expressed how I would miss her and how I love her. I expressed faith and hope that judgment of her might be balanced with mercy. I don’t know what happened to my Mom and what lead her down her path through mental illness but if she had any fault in it, I pleaded for mercy on her behalf. I also asked Father if he would provide comfort and healing to those of us left behind.

I finished up my prayer, collected myself and went back inside. As we waited for Jen and Dave to show up, I watched her body slowly lose color and fullness in flesh. I touched her shoulder and was amazed at how different her body looked without the spirit in it. She was gone. And my sense of things was that the place she went to must have been really wonderful because I felt the absence of her Spirit too. She had completely moved on. And I can’t say I blame her. It must have been a huge relief to have her spirit back in full function. And to be reunited with her parents and other loved ones – including perhaps the spirit of a child she lost in a miscarriage – must have been wonderful for her.

My siblings and I shared a few more tears and then Mom’s body was taken to the mortuary. At lunch this afternoon, the whole family gathered at my house for some KFC, 7-up and a discussion about funeral arrangements. We’ll have a nice service for her next week.

I’ll miss her. I love her and I look forward to getting to know the real her that has now been released from her body. It’ll be a while yet before I can do this but at least she’s herself again and that’s one step closer to coming to know her.

Effects of a Fall

Driving home from the emergency room tonight at 12:30, my heart and mind was brimming with a conflicting arrangement of emotions and thoughts. Three hours earlier I received a call from Aunt Mary, who, in the absence of Dave and Jen who are camping, authorized the assisted living home to take Mom to the hospital. Mom had a fall a few days ago and the pain resulting from the fall had intensified.

When I arrived at the hospital, Ron and Mary were at her side. I grabbed Mom by the hand as I inspected her injuries. She had a few cuts on her face and a bandaged elbow. I was later shown an x-ray and the bruising on her side. She had broken her pelvis but only with a hairline fracture. Still she was hurting. Typically when she speaks, it’s usually in response to some stimulus – someone asking her a question, something she hears, etc. But tonight, she would twist gingerly in her bed, wince with pain and mutter, “It hurts. It hurts.” without prompting.

Later that evening when she was lifted from the hospital bed to the stretcher for transportation back to Bel Aire Assisted Living, she sat up in fear reaching out for me, calling after me with a pleading of “Where are they taking me?” I stayed by her side in the ambulance to try to calm her fears.

Before they left the emergency room earlier this evening, Ron and I were able to administer a blessing to Mom. I remember two parts of this blessing. One was that despite the ailments of her mind and body, she would know of her family’s love. The second was that she would be made comfortable.

After tucking her into bed at Bel Aire, I began my drive home and opened a prayer in which I asked Heavenly Father again why Mom has to experience such pain, fear and captivity. I was reminded of the blessing I administered in Jesus’ name earlier. Through the merits of the atonement, all negative baggage from this life can be lifted. All of this pain, fear and captivity that Mom is experiencing is a result of the fall and Father’s children need a way to overcome those effects. I noticed a billboard for a company specializing in pain treatment and realized that the only effective treatment is the atonement of Jesus Christ.

The answer to this prayer is not likely something I’ll get completely in this life. But Heavenly Father was merciful to me tonight in allowing me to not only receive but to administer in a potion of the answer to that prayer. Through the Priesthood and power offered through faith in Jesus Christ, pain, fear and captivity can be removed. So, some of the purpose of these things is to lead us to Christ.

I plan to drop by to visit her again after work tomorrow (technically today) and I hope to see evidence of Heavenly Father’s work in progress - reducing the effect of both types of falls.