Emily's Birthday and Christensen Christmas Party

Just like last year, we had our Christmas celebration with my extended family after Christmas. And, just like last year, we had it on the 26th. Much of what I said about last year, I still agree with and it shows all signs of becoming a tradition.

Our double-digit (10) birthday girl was playing with cousins most of the time we were there. In fact, most of the kids were like that. We didn't see Ethan and Jace much after we got there. Ben, however, we saw all the time. He hardly left his mother's side. And speaking of his mother, I think she has the flu. She laid on the couch feeling gross all morning and we were all but out the door when she stood up and with tears said that she wouldn't miss Emily's birthday party. So although, she wasn't feeling well and wasn't very lively, it was awesome that she was there.

We sang a few songs like we've done in the past but this
Ben played a few extra notes.

And speaking of the party, we had soups and breads and some birthday cake that was one third frosting and two thirds cake. We sang happy birthday and Emily got a gift card from her grandparents. Kind of textbook for kid birthdays. She loved it.

At the end of the party, we came home to a very, very messy house and crashed. As the night wore on, it was clear that Alicia was getting sicker and I began to feel something queasy as well. I was planning on going back to work tomorrow but now I'm starting to wonder.

Worth Every Penny

Alicia has a very strong kid magnet built inside of her.

I'm so glad that we were able to take this trip this year. Money has been a bit tight lately so there was some question as to whether we would be able to do it but we cashed in some credit card rewards and a bit of cash to supplement and were able to make it happen.

On our way to the bakery

Today's use of those funds included swimming at the hotel pool, a big breakfast provided by the hotel, spongebob marathons (It seems like every time we go to a hotel there's a spongebob marathon going on. Do they do that all the time?), treating the kids to oozy yumminess from a local bakery, a pay per view version of Cars 2 while the little kids had a nap, and an evening in downtown salt lake looking at lights, a new Christmas display machine thing at Deseret Book, a scating rink, and dinner at a mall food court.

We were joined for the last part of the evening by Tam, Mark and Whitley. The kids lit up when they came along. Before that, Emily was dragging her feet but the night brightened up as soon as they saw Markie. It's nice that our kids love those guys so much. It makes for good family time together.

Vacations can be expensive but every time we go (except that one Disneyland trip when Em was a baby) the expanded bank of happy memories of family togetherness has been worth the expense. That is certainly true of this little get-away too.

Thanksgiving

 Dad was able to transport from the assisted living place to Jen's house for Thanksgiving. We transported him from Susan's car, into his wheelchair and then down the grassy slope on the side of Jen's house and into the back entrance. He sat at a table in the family room and became the center of attention during the meal. That alone is worth some thanks.

We were also able to have everyone there. With the exception of Jennifer and Richie and their kids (they never come anymore) all family was there. All 17 grandkids and a few extras including Brianna and Brent. That's becoming more and more rare with all these kids growing up, having busy jobs and even getting married in some cases.

The food was yummy. Sometimes I think Thanksgiving is more about eating than thanking. Celebrating Christ's birth is too sacred in Christian hearts to get glossed over by its more secular veneer of gifts but it seems that the luminescence of thankfulness isn't bright enough to overcome it's more temporal outer layers. I wonder what Thanksgiving would be without food and family gatherings. Probably just a few words on a calendar space that people small talk about at work.

But the thankful highlights of the day were present. Dad gave the thanksgiving prayer and blessing on the food. It was great to hear him express gratitude with similar sentiment as he has in the past. His mind is still functioning at very near the capacity he had in the past. It was also notable how much of his prayer was focused on gratitude even though he's been through this stroke and difficult moments.

Keeping with tradition, we left directly from dinner and took the family to a hotel. Despite our learning that two bedroom hotel rooms are much better for our family, budget constraints wedged us into a smaller room. But at least tonight it wasn't so bad. The trick seems to be to spend as little time as possible in the hotel room. We did that tonight by going swimming within the hour of arrival and then settling down quickly for sleep.

Easter

Will you look at that ham? Alicia fancied it up with scoring, cloves, cherries and fancy glaze. It felt like 1960 in our home for a minute there. Tam also helped to make a scalloped potato thing for dinner too. She and Mark were feeling a little Christensen kid deprived so we arranged for them to join us today for the afternoon and dinner. The kids loved it and Tam and Mark did too.

This year the kids received a letter from the easter bunny stating that he'd come after church. Then when everyone got home from church there was a picture of Jesus in everyone's basket and another note leading to the first of many scavenger hunt locations where candy was placed. This was done as an alternative to hiding candy or eggs all over the house for free grabbing. It was a bit more paced and equal in terms of candy distribution but it might not have been as exciting for the kids.

Emily asked a lot of questions about how the easter bunny knew our day and knew Tam was coming over (there was a bag for them too). She's right on the razor's edge of discovering the grand deception. Alicia and I don't know what to expect when we break the news. I think she'll know the truth of Santa, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny this year.

Especially if she happens to read this blog.

Salt Lake City Panhandlers

I get asked for money 3-5 times a week as I walk the block and a half between my office building and the main Church Office Building in downtown Salt Lake City. Most times I don't have cash on me so I turn down the requests. My sister Tam works at the state liquor store and she tells me all kinds of stories about the downtown panhandlers and how they dash for the liquor store as soon as they get money. She calls this group of regulars the "Breakfast Club" because they're the ones waiting outside the store when they open. But there were two times recently when I bumped into a few people who were different.

One of them I saw today. I was waiting outside my building for Tam to pick me up and a guy walked up behind me and asked, "Do you have any money?" The question was a bit more direct and demanding than the usual panhandler. The usuals typically take a more sympathetic approach with the expressions on their faces or kinder words. I responded simply "No" and the guy continued to stare at me through narrow eyes. I got the sense that if I hadn't been on a very public street in broad daylight he would have tried to attack me. A few tense silent moments later he left and Tam arrived. As I told Tam about the encounter, we drove around the block for her to get a look at him as he cursed to himself angrily while walking down the sidewalk alone. Tam said that he was one of the new guys from out of town.

Another completely opposite experience was a few weeks ago. On a cold morning en route to the Church Office Building, I passed by a old woman wearing tattered scrubs, a thin coat and slippers. Her attire and tip-toe shuffle reminded me of Mom in her later years but I still passed her by. Something in me eventually stopped me in my tracks and caused me to turn around to greet her. I asked her if there was anything I could do for her.

"Oh no," she said. "I'm fine." I didn't believe her so I asked where she was going. She said she had just come from the shelter and was going to the Church Office Building to use the restroom. So I offered to walk her there since that's where I was going too. We talked about her working at Deseret Industries - an LDS Church owned thrift store in the area, the cold weather, and her upcoming move to Utah Valley. She said I reminded her of her brother in Colorado, which started us talking about her family. She said her name was Debbie. Then I showed her to the lobby of the Church Office Building where we parted company. I wished for something I could do to help her. I still do.

Today I felt like I was about to get mugged but a few weeks ago I felt like I was doing true service in befriending someone. It's quite a contrast but it's all part of working downtown.

Mom's Birthday Dinner

One of my favorite pictures of Mom from the 80s.

Mom's birthday is this Thursday. She's been gone for 9 months now and my sister Julie had a great idea of celebrating her birthday in her honor at her favorite restaurant - Brick Oven Pizza in Provo. Now that I think about it, I suppose it's kind of an odd thing to celebrate a birthday for someone who has died but that thought was far from my mind as we were eating together as a family. Instead we were thinking and talking about each other's lives: Jen's absolute passion about being a science teacher (she was wearing a button on her bag that said "I'm a science teacher. What's your superpower?" and her admitting tonight that she makes up songs with science terms as lyrics to help her students learn.), Julie's pending divorce and the proposed terms of the legal contract, Tam's adventures of coming to my work at the alcohol averse Church inadvertently wearing an alcoholic beverage t-shirt she got from her work, Dave's crazy graveyard working schedule and my finishing of the MBA.

In fact, we didn't even talk about Mom until the very end of the meal. With a good amount of laugher, some expressions of condolences for Tam's job situation and Julie's divorce situation, and healthy doses of Hawaiian pizza (Mom's favorite as long as it doesn't have almonds on it) behind us, we raised our mugs over our circular table and toasted Mom.

I've heard that the test of a good leader is the quality of individuals left behind to continue on in the leader's absence. The family is in good shape. We've been though a lot and probably have much yet to endure but if Mom was aware of tonight's birthday celebration, I imagine that she was proud of her kids and hope that she felt honored.

Impromptu Party

Today we had a little impromptu party for Claire's birthday. Dad and Susan had scheduled to come over to give Claire a present and Tam and Mark also were able to come over to return our car to us. Tam and Mark recently got a tax return so they also came over with Christmas part 2 for our kids. They brought each of our kids some presents, which of course, they were thrilled with.

Turned out to be a great party with food (pancakes for dinner), toys, and lots of conversation.

Mom's Funeral

Tam slept over last night in preparation for the funeral this morning and in the business of the morning, I noticed that she was off on her own and silent. I went over to her and hugged her.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for today,” she said. I knew how she felt.

At the Church this morning Dave and I were there when the casket arrived. We wheeled her into the Relief Society room and opened the casket. After a quick glance, Dave said these viewings are morbid and left the room as quickly as he could. Mom looks so much better than she did a week ago. They filled in her previously sunken cheeks and face. Her hair was all done up the way she always liked it and she looked peaceful.

Julie offered a prayer then we all said final goodbyes before the casket was closed. This was a tearful point for all of us. But the day wasn’t over yet.

At the funeral service itself Dave provided a life sketch, Tam a tribute, Julie a Poem, me a video of her life and Jen a talk. A few thoughts struck me during the services:

• Dave mentioned that Mom had been gone for so long that he doesn’t believe Julie and I really knew the real Mom. Before when he’s said this, I think I’ve dismissed it. But I think he’s right. This was emphasized later in the tribute Tam offered. Tam talked about a whole bunch of Mom stuff I never saw.
• Jen gave a great talk in which she made the point of illustrating through Mom’s life the danger of judging too quickly and finding the good in people. What a wonderful point! I later put some thought to this and realized that over the past week, I’ve been seeing new parts of my Mom - good things like her faith and love.

I broke down during my video. (I wish I could post it but I used a copyrighted song and can’t post it to YouTube. I have it in my collection at home if anyone wants to see it.) Several people complimented me on the video.

The pallbearers (Dave, me, Mark, Alex, Richard and Steve) put Mom into the hurse and the company then travelled down to the Provo cemetery for the internment. There I said a few comments and then dedicated the grave. A few thoughts here as well:

• It has been difficult to find meaning and purpose in Mom’s captivity to illness, fear and and pain. But over the last few weeks I’ve realized that all effects of the fall can help lead us to faith in Christ. If all that Mom’s gone through leads her or any of the rest of us to faith in Christ then it’s worth it.
• Christ is the true source of healing, hope, freedom and peace. He provides not only the hope of resurrection but also the hope of meaningful life
• Mom’s grave will be a holy place of peace, healing and hope.

The local ward provided a lunch for the guests of the funeral. This turned out to be quite the celebration. Mom’s memorabilia was spread over the front of the stage and families gathered to laugh and talk and comfort and love each other. I was actually surprised at how good I felt when it was all done. I half expected to be an emotional wreck but I wasn’t. None of us were.

The family was told at several points that the funeral was perfect for Mom. I was certainly glad to hear that and judging by the way all of us kids were interacting with each other and feeling by the end of it, I think I agree.

Perhaps Mom thought so too.

Mom's Passing

Early this morning I got up to feed Ben his 2:00 am bottle and texted my sisters to see how things were going with Mom. I found out that her breathing was more labored so I stayed on standby for another few hours when Tam sent another text stating that the aid found that the pulse was unperceivable, her breathing light and her color pale. I left home and arrived at Bel Aire Assisted Living around 4:00 am.

I found Mom just as described and I held her hand, touched her cheek and hair a few times while talking a bit with Tam, Mark and Julie – who had all stayed up all night long. We looked through a few more photo albums together, listened to a bit of music and then there came a point where Mom’s breathing slowed and the feeling in the room changed. Julie had just laid down to rest in a room across the hall so Mark got her. Tam sat by the bedside and held Mom’s hand, Julie sat close by while Mark and I stood, looking on.

As Tam spoke encouragement to Mom to move on, find her Mother and not worry about us, Mom’s breathing slowed. A breath… three seconds of silence. “Thank you, Mom,” I said. Another breath… five seconds of silence. Mom blinked eyes that had remained absolutely motionless in a half-open stare for the last several hours. Another breath. Then silence. We froze in our places waiting to hear another sound from Mom and when none came, it was clear that she had gone. Color left her sunken cheeks and she became completely still.

Each of us were crying in the stillness of the room. Feeling a need to pray privately (not to mention sob), I rushed out of the home and into the night. It was 5:10 am. The stars were out and the dawning sun was just starting to outline the shadowed mountains in a deep blue and purple. No cars or people were around and the night was still. I opened my heart up to Heavenly Father in prayer as I looked up to the stars.

I thanked Father for her and expressed my faith that she would be happier now. I expressed how I would miss her and how I love her. I expressed faith and hope that judgment of her might be balanced with mercy. I don’t know what happened to my Mom and what lead her down her path through mental illness but if she had any fault in it, I pleaded for mercy on her behalf. I also asked Father if he would provide comfort and healing to those of us left behind.

I finished up my prayer, collected myself and went back inside. As we waited for Jen and Dave to show up, I watched her body slowly lose color and fullness in flesh. I touched her shoulder and was amazed at how different her body looked without the spirit in it. She was gone. And my sense of things was that the place she went to must have been really wonderful because I felt the absence of her Spirit too. She had completely moved on. And I can’t say I blame her. It must have been a huge relief to have her spirit back in full function. And to be reunited with her parents and other loved ones – including perhaps the spirit of a child she lost in a miscarriage – must have been wonderful for her.

My siblings and I shared a few more tears and then Mom’s body was taken to the mortuary. At lunch this afternoon, the whole family gathered at my house for some KFC, 7-up and a discussion about funeral arrangements. We’ll have a nice service for her next week.

I’ll miss her. I love her and I look forward to getting to know the real her that has now been released from her body. It’ll be a while yet before I can do this but at least she’s herself again and that’s one step closer to coming to know her.