Sunday Evening at Temple Square

This weekend is General Conference when members of the LDS Church worldwide listen to audio and video broadcast of talks from leaders of the Church. There are four two hour sessions spread over two days. It's a lot for kids to take in (it's sometimes a lot for parents to take in too) so Alicia and I are preparing our kids for the weekend. We made plans this evening of creating little activities for them to play during the sessions and this evening we took a tour of the Conference Center in Salt Lake. We showed them the 21,000 seat auditorium from which the speakers will speak and told them a little bit about what will happen. I'm sure most of it didn't stick to the inside walls of their early-life craniums but we did have a great evening together. We looked at the model of the temple, let the kids dip their hands into the fountains on Temple Square, and were even invited by the some volunteer missionaries to watch a presentation about families.

Super Hero Dum-Dum Pop

Ethan laying down in the InstaCare

It's sad when your kids get so sick that all they do is lie around the house with half-closed eyes and expressionless faces. It's especially sad when that state is such a contrast from their normal disposition. Such is the case with Ethan. He's had a cold lately which has caused high fevers and all sorts of other bodily unpleasantness. He's gone in cycles of having high fever, shivers, sleepiness, then getting some acetaminophen, picking up and feeling more like himself, playing with Emily or the Wii, then slowing down again and a full repeat of the cycle.

My worry finally drove me to take him to the InstaCare in town. Turned out that the doctor said it was just a cold and gave him antibiotics and a sucker. I decided to not get the prescription since it seemed like the doctor was just punting in his treatment plan and Ethan and I drove away from having paid $35 with nothing but a dum-dum pop.

But maybe it wasn't so much of a rip off because Ethan started showing signs of improvement later in the day. Must have been the sucker.

Ghost Taffy

The other night I had this dream where I lived out a whole day knowing that I was going to die very soon. I visited my dying mother (fictional Mom obviously since my real Mom has already died), mended broken relationships, and spend the day of my dream in a reflective state. Then I returned home in the evening. I walked into a room with a table filled with stuff in bags and boxes. Suddenly a feeling came over me that today was the day I would die. I immediately called Alicia.

"This is really going to happen," is all I said.

Immediately, she was with me hugging me from behind. The flood of emotion came though and in the midst of that, I saw on the table in a bag a bunch of left over halloween themed taffy. I love sweets and if something good is placed before me and I have any room in my stomach, I'll eat it. So I reached out to grab a ghost taffy.

Then I realized how unimportant this taffy was. I realized that I didn't really need it. In the midst of thinking of so many weighty matters, I was suddenly uninterested in this impulse. My hand stopped over the bag and retracted. Then I woke up.

Obviously the whole dream was emotional but the part that stuck with me was the taffy.  I was dying within hours, my wife was hugging me and needed a great amount of comforting and still my vision and focus was on a small piece of taffy.

As I tossed in bed for the next hour, I remembered a talk given in Church last Sunday. The speaker talked about putting eternal matters first and everything else in life (all the ghost taffy in the world) will find it's proper place. When I got out of bed, I decided to live the day as if it were my last and see what kind of ghost taffy I could avoid. As a result, I spent much of the day with people, my sister at her divorce mediation, the people on my team in talking to them about their work and coaching on issue resolution, playing with my kids, and then spending time talking with Alicia. It would have made a great last day on earth but, luckily, it wasn't.

The Everlasting Nag

I've heard that the perception of time section of the human mental circuit board doesn't come in until later in life. Now that I have kids I know this to be true. They will ask for something, receive some flavor of "yes, but later." and then keep asking every 45 or so seconds. Jace is especially good at this. He'll ask "Can I have a snack?" or "Can I play on your phone?" incessantly. This last Sunday I was probably asked the latter of these two questions 18 times. It can get a bit frustrating. If we choose to hold our ground on a matter, we'll answer each of these questions with "after 10:30" or "not today." If we're feeling like lesser parents, we'll try to reason with the kids, "Stop asking! The answer is no." That doesn't work. So we cope by throwing a curve ball like "Let me think about it." That works for a while simply because it's different. But eventually impatience wins out and they go right back to asking. Other distractions are sometimes effective - movies, games, toys. But most of the time, resolution of the need happens when the time comes for the request or when the kids have worn us down to a mere stump of parental consistency and we give in.

Maybe that's why they keep asking.

Going Out to Eat

It may be hard to get the kids to sit down for regular food
but dessert usually captures their attention.

Whenever we find ourselves in the eating out frame of mind (far too often) we usually go for fast food. It's substantially less stressful to just let the kids eat in the car than it is to get everyone out, corral them into the restaurant, coordinate the ordering, manage the mess potential and clean up chocolate milk spills. Somewhere in there the parents usually need to eat too so it's kind of frazzled. But tonight we planned a family activity to go to this themed restaurant in Salt Lake valley called the Mayan.

Jason playing on the stone snakes outside
of the restaurant.

It's a mexican food place but it's got a dark lit, theme park ride type of atmosphere. It's got a jungle theme with caverns, treehouses, and waterfalls and for entertainment about every 10 minutes divers and acrobats appear around the central waterfall. It's the closest thing Utah has to the full-immersive experience of a Disneyland show experience. For that reason I love going there. The kids also enjoy it. There's enough visual and aural stimulation there with the lights, the divers and the fire throwing guys to keep them engaged in their surroundings. This helps them not go feral on us or the other people at the restaurant. The overall din of the waterfall also helps cover up the noise of Ben crying so it was a very pleasant experience this time. It did cost us $80 but every now and then, it's worth it if it means that everyone has fun and Mom and Dad's stress level doesn't max out.

Finding What's Best

Back a few years ago when you could get credit by clearing your throat, Alicia and I did. We made some unwise decisions with that available credit and as the costs of paying off those bills combine with the cost of living increase and our growing family needs, we find that we are short in our budgets. Really short. This has been on our minds for the last several weeks so we've sought the advice of a financial councillor. We may need to sell my car, will need to look into refinancing our house (even though its value has dropped below what we owe), and consider other employment. This last reality is a difficult one. I love my job and Alicia loves our home and my being able to have a day job and then be a husband and father. Taking a second job, side contracts, a different job or relocating the family somewhere else for an altogether new employment are all options we have to consider now.

But today, a great blessing showed up that will help us. My annual merit increase came in higher than expected. That's a blessing enough. But to add to that, my boss sent me an email stating: "While the [annual increase] may be smaller than I would hope, it does represent that you’ve done a great job. It is on par with the top performers in the division. Also, I spoke to David about making an additional adjustment and we plan to do that soon to so there will be more to come. Thanks for all you do."

The David referred to is the Managing Director of the department for the LDS Church for which I work. I happened to bump into him on the bus home today and he mentioned that he approved my raise today. When I thanked him, he added the assurance that, "you've earned it."

I don't know how much this second raise on top of the annual merit increase is but in the realities of my personal situation, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude. I have faith that Heavenly Father knows everyone's situation and is looking out for what's best for all of us. Today's events provide an indication that what may be best for us is for me to keep working for the LDS Church. There's no place I'd rather work (even Disney or Pixar).

Salt Lake City Panhandlers

I get asked for money 3-5 times a week as I walk the block and a half between my office building and the main Church Office Building in downtown Salt Lake City. Most times I don't have cash on me so I turn down the requests. My sister Tam works at the state liquor store and she tells me all kinds of stories about the downtown panhandlers and how they dash for the liquor store as soon as they get money. She calls this group of regulars the "Breakfast Club" because they're the ones waiting outside the store when they open. But there were two times recently when I bumped into a few people who were different.

One of them I saw today. I was waiting outside my building for Tam to pick me up and a guy walked up behind me and asked, "Do you have any money?" The question was a bit more direct and demanding than the usual panhandler. The usuals typically take a more sympathetic approach with the expressions on their faces or kinder words. I responded simply "No" and the guy continued to stare at me through narrow eyes. I got the sense that if I hadn't been on a very public street in broad daylight he would have tried to attack me. A few tense silent moments later he left and Tam arrived. As I told Tam about the encounter, we drove around the block for her to get a look at him as he cursed to himself angrily while walking down the sidewalk alone. Tam said that he was one of the new guys from out of town.

Another completely opposite experience was a few weeks ago. On a cold morning en route to the Church Office Building, I passed by a old woman wearing tattered scrubs, a thin coat and slippers. Her attire and tip-toe shuffle reminded me of Mom in her later years but I still passed her by. Something in me eventually stopped me in my tracks and caused me to turn around to greet her. I asked her if there was anything I could do for her.

"Oh no," she said. "I'm fine." I didn't believe her so I asked where she was going. She said she had just come from the shelter and was going to the Church Office Building to use the restroom. So I offered to walk her there since that's where I was going too. We talked about her working at Deseret Industries - an LDS Church owned thrift store in the area, the cold weather, and her upcoming move to Utah Valley. She said I reminded her of her brother in Colorado, which started us talking about her family. She said her name was Debbie. Then I showed her to the lobby of the Church Office Building where we parted company. I wished for something I could do to help her. I still do.

Today I felt like I was about to get mugged but a few weeks ago I felt like I was doing true service in befriending someone. It's quite a contrast but it's all part of working downtown.

Late Night Eating

Our kids go to bed at 8 pm and by that time, Alicia and I are often bone tired. As the night winds down, and we finish up any personal or work stuff left undone during the day we often find ourselves on the couch in our basement watching Netflix through our Wii and snacking of something yummy. We got into this habit as babysitting became harder to obtain and more of our date nights became movie nights at home. We would simulate the theater experience as much as possible with a few treats. Over time, we liked these movie nights so much that we have mini-movie nights through the week - complete with treats.

Alicia is wanting to improve her health so we've planned on purchasing that treadmill I mentioned previously and I too feel like some of these bad habits need to stop for my own health. Now, don't get me wrong, every now and then, a box of milk duds, some red creme soda, and a stack of Pringles to share is awesome. But three times a week? Not so much. So, we're going to be good now and save these treat nights for less frequent occasions.

Yep.

But tonight doesn't count because it's date night.

Looking for Villians

I just read a scripture in the New Testament about loving your enemies and I thought about the times in my life when villains have emerged. I remembered that kid in elementary school and junior high who seemed to relish the opportunity to make fun of me every time he saw me. I thought about how in the last year of Mom's life, rifts emerged between me and my brother. And right now at work I'm faced with an employee who is reeling from my having not selected him for a promotion and enmity is emerging. But really none of these are villains. In each of those cases, my reaction to avoid the unpleasant situation cased silence which allowed the perceived villainy to fester. But in the end, an open conversation and a healthy dose of humble pie usually remove the perception. This was the case with my brother. I found my error in the situation and apologized and now things are so much better. It's also the case with the guy at work. He's not the right guy for the position right now but I believe he has the potential to be so I offered my support and dedication to work with him towards that end.

So, I feel very lucky that I haven't yet encountered my villains. I'm sure they're out there and I don't look forward to the day that I find one. But all I've seen so far are people that have good hearts. Sometimes junk gets in the way of seeing those good hearts but it's comforting to me to look back on the cast of people that I've had interaction with and not see a dark, mustache-twiling, sinister figure among them.

Ethan's First Lost Tooth

Seems like life is full of firsts. I suppose it's sort of a rite of passage that people like to notice. First date, first  child, first job, first car, first disgruntled employee (got that one today). But I've noticed that Alicia and I have gone overboard in this. I remember with Emily, we used to get all giddy about things like her first diaper explosion, first rolling over, and first time she held her bottle. We'd celebrate these first events like they were the fourth of July. After a while, we got sort of used to the world of firsts and when the other kids had a diaper blowout, fireworks and watermelon were the furthest thing from our minds.

Still, some events are still meaningful - especially when the child is so excited about it. This is the case with first day of school and was true also today when Ethan lost his first tooth. He was thrilled to lose it and even more thrilled when he bound into our room at 6:00 am to announce that the tooth fairy came and gave him money. Even through our tiredness, we gave Ethan a hug and smiled as he dashed happily out of our room.

Mom's Birthday Dinner

One of my favorite pictures of Mom from the 80s.

Mom's birthday is this Thursday. She's been gone for 9 months now and my sister Julie had a great idea of celebrating her birthday in her honor at her favorite restaurant - Brick Oven Pizza in Provo. Now that I think about it, I suppose it's kind of an odd thing to celebrate a birthday for someone who has died but that thought was far from my mind as we were eating together as a family. Instead we were thinking and talking about each other's lives: Jen's absolute passion about being a science teacher (she was wearing a button on her bag that said "I'm a science teacher. What's your superpower?" and her admitting tonight that she makes up songs with science terms as lyrics to help her students learn.), Julie's pending divorce and the proposed terms of the legal contract, Tam's adventures of coming to my work at the alcohol averse Church inadvertently wearing an alcoholic beverage t-shirt she got from her work, Dave's crazy graveyard working schedule and my finishing of the MBA.

In fact, we didn't even talk about Mom until the very end of the meal. With a good amount of laugher, some expressions of condolences for Tam's job situation and Julie's divorce situation, and healthy doses of Hawaiian pizza (Mom's favorite as long as it doesn't have almonds on it) behind us, we raised our mugs over our circular table and toasted Mom.

I've heard that the test of a good leader is the quality of individuals left behind to continue on in the leader's absence. The family is in good shape. We've been though a lot and probably have much yet to endure but if Mom was aware of tonight's birthday celebration, I imagine that she was proud of her kids and hope that she felt honored.

Unexpected Inspiration

Alicia wasn't feeling well this morning so I took the kids out of the house and to give her a chance to rest. I had planned on taking the kids on a long drive to antelope island but they were quickly tiring of the drive by the time we neared the Salt Lake City airport. So instead, I found a road close to one of the runways and we watched as planes took off.

I thought it was sort of a lame settle but the kids loved it there. We ate our picnic out of the back of the van while we watched the planes take off. As each one lifted into the sky, the kids would ooh or exclaim "There it goes!"and then have enough interest to do the very same thing for the next plane a few minutes later. In fact, it was so inspiring to them that Emily created a drawing of planes taking off later this afternoon.

Tax Return

Five kids under 17 + child tax credit = big tax return. It's one of the hidden benefits of having a big family. Flying anywhere with a big family may cost a fortune, having to pay for half a hallway of hotel rooms when we travel isn't cheap, and our grocery budget is steadily climbing but when the tax return shows up, Alicia and I tend to forget those expenses.

Instead we spend hours talking about what to do with that money. We tend to waffle back and forth between really responsible choices and really fun ones. In the past the fun ones have more often won. But this time, we're going to be good and save (yes, SAVE) a good portion of the return. The rest will be used for finishing our backyard, Jason's preschool and a few householdy things. See how responsible we're being?! Sheeseh we deserve an iPad and a treadmill or something.

Hmm... iPad and treadmill...

Car Battery Man Pride

My very own work.

I'm not exactly the car mechanic type. I'm more than happy to take my car to a shop and pay someone else $20 to replace a headlight bulb. But our car battery just died and I'd feel like a disappointment to my gender if I took my car in someplace to replace the battery. I'm not even sure that places offer that service. If they do, it's probably just a joke - something the car mechanics laugh about behind the door that separates the customers in the lobby from the mechanicy car-fixer-upper room that smells like tires.

"We got a battery guy!" Raucous laughter. Maybe a hoot or too.

Clearly, I couldn't go through that so instead, I got my slippers on and walked into an auto part store and picked up a battery in the manliest, most confident voice I could muster. They didn't even suspect my wimpiness. Although now that I think of it, one guy waiting in line did say with a hint of ribbing, "Don't cross the terminals."

When I arrived home, Alicia informed me that she had called her car mechanic brother for step-by-step instructions on my behalf. I tried to suppress my pride as she relayed these to me. With rachet set, wrench, pipe wrench and screwdriver set in hand (just in case) I assured Alicia that if I died in a garage explosion she'd get both life insurance and home insurance. After 20 minutes of careful work and a difficult wrestle with the battery clamp, I removed the old battery and replaced it with a brand new shiny one. I turned the key and the car started. "Sweet!" I said with a fist pump.

Now I've just got to replace the headlight bulbs on the other car. On the other hand $20 really isn't that much.