Shows that Hurt Tummies

I believe that each person in this world is born with some sense for what good living is. Some call this a conscience, a knowledge of right and wrong, or the light of Christ. As parents, Alicia and I try to encourage our kids to listen to this sense as they come up against difficult challenges. Today our five-year-old son had an opportunity to recognize and listen to this sense and Alicia and I were proud of him for doing that.

Last week, Ethan saw a somewhat gory show about sharks attacking people. His initial reaction to this was tears as he saw the violence. Now usually, Ethan loves fighting and conflict. For a short time he wanted to be a boxer when he grows up because boxers get to "punch people in the face."Thankfully, that interest passed in a few weeks time. But seeing this video effected him negatively. It was clear that it bothered him deeply. Then the next day, he went looking for the video again on Netflix, an on-demand video streaming service we subscribe to. We saw him doing this and pulled him aside to talk to him about how some things in shows can hurt our souls and we need to be careful what we choose to watch.

Now usually after a talk like this, Ethan will hop along and promptly forget (or seem to forget) what he's been taught. Alicia and I have learned to keep our teaching very succinct so as to maximize the potential for his retention. So we weren't sure if he got the message.

But today he was watching a different show and he noticed that he didn't like the way the show was making him feel so he turned it off. The show was about animals that are a threat to people - showing various animal bites and related injuries. When he told Alicia and me what happened, he said that the show made his tummy feel bad. We interpreted this as five-year-old code for something that hurt his soul. Apperantly, some of our teaching got through to him so we reinforced that he did a good thing in listening to how that made him feel and then turning it off. Then Alicia let him have a few Oreos because, according to Ethan, it would make his tummy feel better.

A Week At Home

The kids are off from school all week for spring break so Alicia knew that she wasn't going to have to take daily trips to the charter school they attend to drop off/pick up kids (no bus system for this school). This created a very nice climate for giving full attention to potty training Claire. To add to that, Alicia asked me to take time off from work so I could help with that job. I agreed to and all week so far, I've been home helping out with household chores, taking care of business hour errands like overdue doctor visits, oil changes, and loan refinancing with the bank. All the while, I'm helping to take my 2 year old girl to the bathroom every 30 minutes.

Not exactly what one would expect from a vacation from work but honestly, it's been quite nice. I've had a good deal of reflection time as I've been busying myself with household stuff. I've thought quite a bit about sharing an even load of home and family responsibilities with Alicia and I've also thought about what kind of leader I am at work and where I could improve. So, it's no Disneyland but it's been just as good for the soul . . . well, almost as good.

Em

Chick-fil-A is yummy. But even better than that is sharing that food with my nine-year-old daughter Emily during our date tonight. And even better than THAT is Emily herself. We talked tonight about her accomplishments and made some goals for developing her talents - of which she has many. She draws almost every day and she also has a knack for music. She'll pick up scores of movies and hum along after only a few times watching the movie. That's a big deal for a movie score guy like me.

I tend to take Emily for granted. But she's really a talented, conscientious and remarkable girl. She is a good influence in our home, a good helper to the family and a good personality to mix with the other personalities we've got running around here.

Religious Duplicity

I have a belief in the doctrines of the LDS church. I also have a knowledge of facts regarding the purpose of life, and the role of Jesus Christ. At work, these parts of my personality have full opportunity to flourish and I'm able to express these things and lead others according to this knowledge and belief. But at home something is entirely different.

I love going to work at the Church but I don't like going to Church at home.

This seems so inconsistant so I tried to figure this out today. What I came up with is that I don't really feel like a part of my home congregation. At work, I feel like I'm contributing and needed to move things forward. At home, I'm another face in the crowd. When I'm not challenged, I'm too content to sort of blend into mediocrity. This isn't an option at work. I have to take care of the work I manage and the people I lead. I feel that responsiblity and I respond to it.

Feels oddly duplicitous to react so differently in these two environments that should be so similar. So I'm thinking of ways to get more engaged at Church at home.

Strengthening Your Brethren

I've started this thing at work where we recognize the successes of others in a public space. It's a gigantic mobile that stretches through a long hallway. Everyone's picture is hung from this mobile and from the pictures are hung 3x5 cards with notes detailing good things that people have done. When we first started it, there was some doubt about whether or not it would work but it's really taken off. People pass by and look at that thing often. Additionally, we add little lego guys to the mobile whenever someone does something truly exceptional. It's a simple, silly little thing but people are proudly displaying their lego vampires, pharaohs, surfer girls, rappers, etc. on their desks and monitors.

The success of this thing at work made me wonder if this could carry over to home as well so Alicia and I have adapted it and put a little card up on the fridge when the kids do something kind or good. When there are 50 of these cards we'll go do some family activity. The kids (especially Ethan) have responded to this very well.

In celebrating good things that people do, I've found the invitation in LDS scripture to "Strengthen your brethren in all your conversation, in all your prayers, in all your exhortations, and in all your doings." (D&C 108:7) to be valuable in helping motivate good people to do good things.

Fifth Child Parenting

Parental Rule Violation #739: Never feed your
baby with a propped-up bottle

Parents freak out about lots of stuff. Peanut allergies, dust mites, intellectually stimulating music, baby development in the same timeline that all the other kids are developing, sleeping habits, bowel movements, cradle cap, cute little baby clothes with mini versions of accessories, too many sneezes in a row, etc. When all we had was Emily, Alicia and I were in this boat. But as more kids have come along we've become more comfortable in our parenting skin. Sometimes we have guests who come over and rush to Ben's room as soon as he starts crying from his crib. We have to keep telling people that he's fine - he's just stirring and will fall back asleep in a few minutes.

Sometimes I wonder if people think we're bad parents. But then that thought passes.

We love our kids but don't spend a lot of time fretting about them. Granted, perhaps if we had experienced more health concerns with them, saw them get into more accidents, or watched more documentaries about germs we'd be a little more panicky. But so far, our kids have been fine. We've seen some speech development problems, growth issues, a broken arm, and a boatload of colds and flu's. No one's dead yet so we must be doing something right.

Leadership Learnings

I haven't aspired to be a leader but ever since I've started this job, I've loved the challenge and weight of the  assignment. I feel responsible for these 37 people on my team and that motivates me to different levels of thinking and preparation on their behalf. I often think of the movie U-571 when I think about leadership. In the film, a rookie leader is asked to take on the command of a submarine. In one critical moment of tension, he admits to his crew that he doesn't know what to do. Later a seasoned sailor gives him advise to never admit to such weakness. He encouraged the leader to make decisions - even tough decisions like putting someone in harm's way to save the crew - and then stand by those decisions.

There are many times that I don't know the answer. And there are times when I openly admit that. However, I'm learning a few things about leadership decision making.

• First, making a decision is better than committing to no answer at all. Most decisions are small and if the wrong turn was taken, course correction is possible later. And, after it's all said and done many things that seem ginormous in importance in the moment are really not that heavy when put into perspective.
• Second, I ask for council too often because I don't know the answer or need support in making a difficult decision. In this respect, I sometimes use council as a crutch and not as an opportunity to invite group thought and discussion. Better yet, I should use it as a way to invite participation and train other leaders.
• Third, saying I don't know when the world rests on your shoulders is not acceptable. However, if you happen to believe in a force for good bigger than yourself and you believe that this force will teach you and help you know what to do. And those you lead also believe this then saying I don't know is inspiring when it leads people to ask for greater help.

This last bit is something I would never be able to do if I did not work for a religious organization with shared values amongst its workforce. I love this aspect of openness at my job. I'm a leader of a business unit within the LDS Church but in some respects, I also lead my team in some spiritual aspects as well. Pretty cool.